Wow almost a year since I wrote my first Journal entry.
A year feels like forever ago.
So much has change.
Some good. Mostly bad.

I lost someone I really cared about. Someone I loved.
She slipped through my hands due to a foolish decision.
A decision not to care. To not appreciate the things I should.
But I have made amends with that.
I apologize to her. And I apologized to myself.
For setting my standards, expectations, and opinions of myself so low.
And while she seemed to not care, I accepted my faults and have begun rehabilitation.
Changing myself is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Harder then staying sober, Harder then saying I love you.
It makes all the trials and tribulations of the past look like carnival rides.

But not all is bad. I have quit soda completely, in an effort to lose weight.
I have been sober for almost a month and its going well.
I have found someone else in my life to love.
I am sober for her. To make her know that she is my world.
Even while a former love decides to bombard my life with suppressed anger and vengeful comments, which I know are well deserved.
I was an ass. And still am.
But I have realized I have serious anger issues and admitted it to myself.
Now I just have to work on managing them.
Speaking of which, if anyone knows any good anger management techniques, I would be extremely grateful to you for sharing.

I have begun to get my life back on track.
I have a Birth certificate for the first time in years.
And my Sate ID is coming in the mail within the next two weeks.
Soon, hopefully, Ill have a job.
Then its glasses, car, GED, apartment, in that order.
I know where Im going for once in my life and I am now determined to get there.

I doubt that more then two of you will read this but it was more for me then anyone else. I sometimes just need to get all my concerns and hurts of my chest, even if now one is listening. I suppose that all I have to say.